My Early Obit: Because Bloomberg Doesn't Have Mine on File

Bloomberg News inadvertent early release of an obit for Apple's CEO Steve Jobs certainly caught most of us off guard. Even Wall Street was temporarily shaken, until of course, Steve Jobs checked himself for a pulse and determined it was all a big mix-up. But it must have been nice for him to read the rough draft of what will hit the news media when death comes knocking. None of this is new. The early crafting of obits, or for that matter writing of books to be released when someone of note passes into the next dimension is standard operating procedure. I figured it out at a young age when within a week of Elvis' death the local bookstore sported a pyramid of new books on Elvis, Pricilla and Graceland, the Memphis mansion.

So to make sure that nothing ugly is written about me it is necessary to post my own obituary in advance of the first needle stick of embalming fluid, my expensive rings being yanked off my fingers by relatives at the viewing and children fighting over my amassed wealth. Only the truth, of course. wink

Tammy Swofford:

The woman was a legend. (In her own eyes)

Accomplished guitarist. (I can play Simon and Garfunkle tunes)

Classical pianist. (Moonlight Sonata and Amazing Grace)

Mother of the Year. (My children might as well have been raised by wolves.)

Gourmet Cook. (I make a killer Tater Tot Casserole)

Voracious Reader. (Mad Magazine, People and National Enquirer)

Gifted Writer. (My mother reads the blog. Tom and Bob are my cousins.)

Flashy dancer. (I can do the "Macarena" and the "Hokey Pokey")

Wealthy philanthropist. (I will die with my earthly belongings in a backpack.)

*See readers!

It is so easy to write a nice obit. Granted, mine will not be 17 pages long. Do feel free to post your own tongue-in-cheek obit in the comments. And make sure my husband buries me in a bright red dress. That is the truth. smile


Tammy Swofford